Author: dave

Bozo criminal for today may not think of himself as a criminal, and you may sympathize, but he’s under arrest just the same. From Ansonia, Connecticut comes the story of bozo James Thomas who was angry when a group of youths pelted his car with snowballs. Taking matters into his own hands, he stopped the car, pulled out a knife and forced one of the snowball throwers into his car. He then drove the boy home before releasing him, unharmed. The police didn’t see the humor in it, however. He’s been charged with first degree kidnapping, which carries a charge of 10 to 25 years in prison.

Bozo criminal for today comes form Oldsmar, Florida, where bozo Gregory Olson called 911, claiming he’d been beaten and shot at and had suffered a broken nose and was bleeding from the ears. Police officers rushed over, only to find that our bozo was perfectly fine. He just needed a ride to the local bar, and he was hoping the 911 officers would accommodate him. They gave him a ride all right, straight to the county jail.

While we find it difficult to call today’s bozo a "criminal", his taste in music is certainly open to question. From Fond du Lac, Wisconsin, comes the story of bozo Paul Stephens. Police were called to his apartment at 3:11 AM after receiving numerous complaints about the noise coming from inside. When the cops arrived, they discovered the "noise" was actually the music of the late singer John Denver, which our bozo had cranked up to at least 11. When asked why he had turned the music up to such a high level, he simply replied that he was "Rocking out." Apparently the cops didn’t like his taste in music, either. He’s been charged with disturbing the peace.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Evans, Colorado, where bozo Raul Velez had a burglary planned. He was going to break into the home of a friend of his ex-wife, steal some items, and for some reason, beat up her new boyfriend. One thing he didn’t count on. His kids were there to identify him. It seems the friend was baby sitting his children, ages 8 and 11 and they quickly identified Daddy even though his face was covered by a bandanna. He fled but was arrested and charged with attempted burglary.

Sometimes our bozo criminals are such bozos they fail even in their attempts to become criminals. Case in point, our bozo for today from Portland, Oregon. Bozo Thomas Penney walked into a FedEx Kinko’s store and handed an employee a note which said, "This is a robbery. I’ll wait outside for the police. Sorry." And that’s just what he did, after handing the clerk the note he walked outside and sat down. Responding officers took our bozo into custody but say since he did not have a weapon and didn’t carry out a robbery, he can’t be charged. The best they’ve been able to come up with is a charge of initiating a false report, which doesn’t usually carry a jail sentence.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Mike Bishop for sending in today’s report. From Conroe, Texas, comes the story of four bozo burglars who made a number of mistakes in their attempt to break into a jewelry store. First, they set off the store’s silent alarm when they attempted to cut a hole through the roof. That’s strike one. Second, the bozo posted as a lookout failed to notice the approaching cops and warn the bozos inside the store. Strike two. And third, their escape was foiled because the getaway car driver fell asleep. Strike three. They’re busted!

Bozo criminal for today comes from Murfreesboro, Tennessee, where bozo Nathan Brown stopped at a gas station to fill up his car. After he was parked at the pump for nearly an hour, a store employee went to check on him, finding him asleep in the front seat. It was what he noticed in the back seat that caused all the trouble. It was a methamphetamine lab, in full operation with a batch of meth being cooked. Cops were called, our bozo was awakened and arrested.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Ed Doherty for sending in today’s report from Uniontown, Pennsylvania. Bozo Craig Donaldson had just been released from the hospital, after being treated for injuries incurred in a fight with his ex-girlfriend, in which she hit him with a frying pan and a table leg. He then set up a meeting with her to pay for his drugs at the local Wal-Mart where he had gone to pick up the prescription. And did we mention he went to the Wal-Mart while still wearing his hospital gown? When the ex arrived with $50, instead of using it for medication, he snatched it from her and sped away. On one of the store’s motorized shopping carts. Not surprisingly, he was quickly apprehended and charged with robbery.

Today we have another example of a bozo foiled by modern technology. From Pelham, New York, comes the story of bozo Jeremiah Green who is suspected of committing 13 car burglaries. During one of those burglaries he stole an Xbox gaming system. What he didn’t realize was that when he hooked up the Xbox at his home, it connected to the Internet. Police were able to track the Xbox using its IP address and place our bozo under arrest.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Ed Doherty for sending in today’s report. From Sacramento, California, comes the story of two bozo burglars who were on the run from pursuing sheriff’s deputies. Our bozos ran across a school campus and onto the football field where a practice was going on. Unfortunately for them, the practice was for the upcoming "Pig Bowl", an annual matchup between local firefighters and law enforcement officers. The cops were glad to take a break and help their fellow officers tackle our bozos. Final score: Police 7, Bozos 0.

Thanks to several Bozo News Hawks for sending in today’s report. From Marathon, Florida, comes the story of bozo Steven Lucas who returned to his garden to find that his marijuana plants had been pulled up by the roots. In their place was a note reading, "Thanks for the grow! You want them back? Call for the price." Our bozo immediately dialed the number and negotiated a $200 ransom for the plants. When he arrived at the agreed upon meeting place, he was met by the cops who had removed the plants and left the note, never expecting that he would call. He’s busted!

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Bruce Bain for sending in today’s report from Cedar Rapids, Iowa. Police were called to a residence after receiving reports of drug use. When plain clothes officers knocked on the door, our bozo answered, took one look at them, and said, "Get inside quick, before the cops get here." Oops. He’s busted!

Bozo criminal for today comes from Athens, Tennessee, where bozo Nicholas Nalls needed some quick cash, so he decided to steal a soft drink machine. It was how he went about it that landed him in the Bozo Hall of Fame. He wrapped a chain around the machine, and attached the chain to the back of his truck, and drug the big box down the highway with sparks flying everywhere. Needless to say, this attracted a lot of attention, including the local cops. They followed him, and the Coke machine, for several miles, until the chain finally broke and he decided to pull over. He’s under arrest.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today’s report. From Renton, Washington, comes the story of bozo Paul Green who stole a truck from the city transfer yard. First thing our bozo did was stop at a convenience store to fill it up with gas. That was his first mistake. It was a diesel truck. When the truck stalled shortly thereafter, he made his second mistake. He called 911 for assistance. While the police were en route, a city employee noticed the stalled truck and stopped by to lend a hand. Even though our bozo had put on a reflector vest in an attempt to look like an actual employee of the city, the real employee quickly figured out something was up and explained the situation to the cops. He’s busted!

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Randy Shereda for sending in today’s report. From Great Falls, Montana, comes the story of bozo Lars Schmidt who walked into a restaurant, told the clerk he had a gun and demanded cash. The clerk said that the register was empty, but that she would go to the other register to get the cash. While she was walking over, she also told the manager what was going on. In the process, our bozo seemingly had a change of heart. He took out his cell phone and called 911…to report a robbery. Yep, he turned himself in. He’s under arrest.

Christmas is over now, and while Santa was away on his rounds, some of our bozos came out to play. From Joplin, Missouri, comes the story of Bozos Jennifer Holmes and Katherine Wells who were pulled over by the cops for a traffic violation. After our bozos acted a little nervous, the cops decided to take a look inside the car, where they found a large number wrapped Christmas gifts. And inside those gifts…marijuana. About 20 pounds of it. Guess we know who was naughty this year. They’re under arrest.

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Lincoln, England, where bozo Peter Gaskey stole a cell phone. When a friend of the victim called the phone, our bozo answered and carried on a long, 42-minute conversation with the man. During the course of the conversation, he told him a number of things, including his name and home address. Maybe he should have just hung up. He’s under arrest for theft.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Joseph Haig for sending in today’s report from the International File in Manchester, England. Bozo John Anderson went to the local police station to report a disturbance at a nearby supermarket. Apparently there was no one at the station at the time, so he left and returned later, right? Nope. Maybe he left a detailed message about the incident? Not this guy. Instead, for reasons known only to the bozo brain, he smashed the window of the police station, went inside and tried to steal himself a couple of computers. Unfortunately, he was caught red-handed by an officer in the parking lot. He’s under arrest.

It would appear there may be several bozos involved in today’s story, some of them not criminals. From Portland, England, comes the story of bozo Mohamed Jeddah who was incarcerated at the Verne Prison, where he had developed quite a reputation as an expert gardener. His plants were so impressive that he even convinced the guards to allow him to decorate his tomato plants with Christmas ornaments. One problem, however…they weren’t tomato plants. The plants decorated to look like Christmas trees were actually marijuana. The guards didn’t have a clue until another inmate tipped them off. And after a quick check of pictures of pot plants on the Internet, our bozo was busted.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Fairfield, Alabama, where bozo Richard Porter thought he had come up with a great plan to rob the local Wal-Mart. He simply found himself a hiding place inside the store and, after it closed at midnight, he came out and picked up $54,000 in cash and checks. Sounds like a good plan, except for one small thing…how to get out of the locked store. A security guard spotted him as he shook the store’s front doors, trying to force them open. He’s under arrest.