Author: dave

Bozo criminal for today comes from Buffalo, New York, where bozo Eugene Taylor was attempting to cross back into the United States after a trip to Canada. A customs officer noticed he was wearing an ankle monitor and it was when he asked him the reason for the bracelet that our bozo offered up the Bozo Excuse of the Month. He explained to the officer that he was only wearing the device as a show of support for Lindsay Lohan. Good story, but didn’t work. He was arrested for violating his probation which did not allow him to leave the country.

Bozo criminal for today from the International File in Kimberly, Australia, proves that sometimes you do indeed get your just desserts. An unidentified bozo who was ejected from a pub for being disorderly proceeded to climb over the fence into the nearby Broome Crocodile Park. Once inside, he made the poor choice of climbing onto the back of Fatso, a 16-foot long saltwater crocodile. Our bozo said he only wanted to pet Fatso, but the croc didn’t see it that way and whirled around and took a chunk out of our bozo’s right leg. Perhaps his blood alcohol content was too much for the croc, as he let him go and our bozo struggled to safety. He was treated at the hospital before being charged.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Bruce Corris for sending in today’s report, which is a violation of Bozo Rule Number 678954: If you’re going to grow an illegal herb, try to do it in an inconspicuous place. From Niagara Falls, New York, comes the story of bozo Thomas Davis who was cultivating a garden of more than a dozen pot plants on his second story porch. A police officer on patrol couldn’t help but notice the garden, so he went to the man’s apartment to investigate. Guess he must have been pretty proud of his crop. When the cop knocked on the front door, he let him inside to take a look. He’s busted!

Bozo criminal for today comes from Daytona Beach, Florida, where bozo Raymond Smith jumped onto the hood of a woman’s car as she was leaving the Wal-Mart parking lot. Our bozo demanded cash and used his gun to smash the car’s windshield. Unfortunately, when he knocked a hole in the glass, the gun fell from his hand directly onto the woman’s lap. Thinking quickly, she picked it up and pointed it at our bozo who thought better of things and fled. In the process, he also dropped his cellphone, which included photos that allowed the cops to ID and track down our bozo, who is now under arrest.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Manatee, Florida, where bozo Jason Gunn violated the rules of his supervised release program and was ordered to return to jail. Guess he thought the jail might not have all the comforts of home so he took a little something extra along with him, and that’s what caused all the trouble. As he was changing from his street clothes into his jail uniform, one of the guards heard a snap and then noticed a baggie of prescription pills fall to the floor. Apparently our bozo had placed the contraband into the plastic bag which he then "attached" to his privates with a rubber band. The strain was too great for the band and it snapped. Ouch. He’s been booked on charges of drug trafficking and introduction of contraband into a facility.

Bozo criminal for today from Villa Rica, Georgia, carried his desire for a neat appearance a little too far. 29-year-old bozo Richard Cooke, who lives with his parents, was not happy with the look of his shirts after his mother had washed them. So, he went to Mom and demanded that she iron them for him, since ironing is "woman’s work." When she told him to do it himself, he pulled out a gun, took her keys and cellphones and held her hostage in the house for six hours. Mom eventually escaped and went to the police station. Our bozo is in jail, charged with aggravated assault and false imprisonment. Hopefully the trade he learns while imprisoned will be ironing.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Barbara Goldstein for sending in today’s report from Duluth, Minnesota, where the current nationwide heatwave perhaps led to our bozo receiving a reprieve. Police were called to a report of a man in a vehicle brandishing a weapon. When they pulled him over, they discovered the weapon was a fully loaded "Super Soaker" water gun. Thinking he might be performing a public service, the man was released without being charged.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Don Reese for sending in today’s report from Land O’Lakes, Florida. Our bozo for today may not necessarily be a criminal but her actions, however well intentioned, qualify her as a bozo. Vanessa Clark finally got fed up with looking at a trailer loaded with furniture and other assorted junk sitting in the parking lot of her apartment complex. So, she did what any bozo would do. She took pictures of it and posted an advertisement on Craigslist, offering the contents for free to anyone who would come by and haul it away. And someone did just that. One problem, the trailer belonged to a resident of the apartment complex, and as you know one man’s trash is another man’s treasure. She’s been charged with theft.

From Easton, Pennsylvania comes the story of four bozos who pulled off the time-honored prank of putting soap into a fountain only to be foiled by modern technology. The four young women dumped detergent and dish soap into the fountain on the city square and it quickly overflowed with soap bubbles. Not content to just enjoy their prank themselves, they felt the need to post the whole thing on You Tube for everyone to see. Unfortunately, everyone could also see their faces, including the cops. They’ve been charged with criminal mischief.

Bozo criminal for today proves the old adage that the Bozo Apple Doesn’t Fall Far From the Tree. From Paducah, Kentucky, comes the story of bozo Richard Tucker who was in jail on theft charges. His mother knew that his bond would be reduced if he could prove that he had a job. So, she did what any Bozo Mom would do, she forged a letter from a local company stating that her son was employed by them. Which might have been a good idea if only she’d one her research beforehand. She didn’t and consequently she misspelled the name of the company he supposedly worked for. He’s still in jail. She’s joined him, charged with evidence tampering.

It’s a rare two-fer for Missouri City, Texas, as for the second time this week our bozo hails from that fair city. Cops pulled over bozo Adam Haynes after noticing him driving erratically. When the cop detected the scent of marijuana wafting from inside our bozo’s car, he asked him if he had been smoking pot. Our bozo replied, "Not today, but I smoke it on a regular basis." When the officer asked him if there might be some pot in the car, our bozo answered, "None that I know of, but there may be some small pieces on the floorboard." When the cop took a look inside he found a baggie of weed on the passenger side floorboard. Busted! Hopefully his lawyer will counsel him on the advantages of keeping his mouth shut.

Bozo criminal for today comes from St. Paul, Minnesota, where an unidentified 15-year-old girl was caught leaving a Kmart with a tote bag full of 44 pair of panties she had shoplifted. It was when officers were questioning her about the crime that she came up with the Bozo Excuse of the Month. In response to the question of why she had stolen the underpants, she replied, "You don’t expect me to wear dirty underwear, do you?" It would probably have been easier to shoplift some Tide. She’s been charged with theft.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Mannie Steglich for sending in today’s report from Missouri City, Texas. A cop spotted bozo Robert Benton as he staggered down a street shortly before midnight. As the officer talked to our bozo, he noticed that he reeked of alcohol and marijuana. And when he checked, he found the man had a baggie of marijuana on him. The officer placed him under arrest and took him to the police station for booking. That’s when the man posed our Bozo Question of the Week. He asked the officer who was booking him if he could save a little of the marijuana that was being placed into evidence for him. Needless to say, the answer was no.

All of us here at the Bozo Criminal Report who are old enough to remember the old "butter…Parkay!" arguments are disturbed by today’s story. From Waterville, Washington, comes the story of a 21-year-old bozo and his 17-year-old bozo sister. The sister was preparing a delicious meal of macaroni and cheese when her brother asked her if she was using butter in the dish. When she replied she was using margarine an argument ensued over the attributes of both. Bozo brother called the cops after bozo sister tried to slice his neck with the serrated end of a spatula. She’s been charged with assault. Parkay!

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Chris Snyder for sending in today’s report. From the International File in Horsham, Australia, comes the story of two guys who may not be criminals, but they are without a doubt bozos. The two 34-year-old men were drinking a few (maybe more than a few) beers when one of them wondered out loud if it would hurt to get shot with a pellet gun. You probably know what happened next. One of our bozos exposed his backside while his friend took aim and shot him. Then, the other bozo got to take a shot at his friend’s rear. After a while, the experiment was over with no damage being done. Or at least that’s what they thought. After two days both men were hospitalized with pain and had pellets surgically removed from their buttocks. Police have revoked our bozos’ firearms licenses and have confiscated their guns.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Barbara Goldstein for sending in today’s report which contains our first ever account of a bozo being arrested for driving a stolen car, which he also happened to own. From Rome, Georgia, comes the story of bozo Lance Bowden who called the cops to report his car had been stolen. A short time later, officers spotted the car, pulled it over, and who should be behind the wheel but our bozo himself. He tried to explain that a friend had borrowed the car and had failed to return it when promised. The police were as confused by the whole story as we are and placed our bozo under arrest for DUI and false report of a crime.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Bruce Corris for sending in today’s report from Rochester, New York. It seems bozo Maria Sandoval was driving around with her boyfriend late the other evening when they started having an argument. She stopped the car and he got out. So did she. One small problem. She failed to put the truck into park when she got out. One much larger problem. The truck rolled on top of her when she stepped from the truck, pinning her underneath. Fortunately, a fire department rescue team was able to free her and she suffered only minor injuries. Unfortunately, the police found her to be intoxicated and charged her with DUI.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Bob Hammond for sending in today’s report from Austin, Texas, which proves the old adage that not all guns are created equal. Bozo Jose Rodriguez walked into a convenience store, raised his t-shirt to reveal a caulk gun underneath and demanded money. When the clerk didn’t appear to take him seriously, our bozo took out the caulk gun and attempted to pistol whip him with it. The clerk was having none of that and retaliated by hitting our bozo with a plastic trash can. He then fled empty-handed and jumped into a red pickup truck that was being driven by a man obviously dressed in drag. Needless to say, the whole situation attracted a lot of attention and one of the bystanders got the license plate number of the truck, which led to our bozos arrest.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Chicago, Illinois, where bozo Delonde Brown was arrested and charged with marijuana possession. He was taken to jail, booked, and a few hours later he was released on bond. Well, almost released. Our bozo never quite made it out the door. He stopped and asked a guard if he could keep his jail ID card. The officer informed him that all clothing and IDs are property of the sheriff’s department. This didn’t set well with our bozo, as a simple argument with the guard over the ID quickly escalated into a scuffle. Well, that’s one way to get the ID card back. He was escorted to a cell.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Bob Hammond for sending in today’s report from Rockville, Connecticut. Bozo Thomas Peters was in court to appear before the judge on larceny charges. When the trial recessed for lunch, our bozo used the time to do what he knows best…break into cars. He stole a GPS unit out of one vehicle and inadvertently tried to sell it back to the actual owner. Sheriff’s deputies noticed what was going on and re-arrested our bozo. He may be nearing record territory. It was his 40th arrest.