Author: dave

Bozo criminal for today comes from Lewiston, Idaho, where bozo Donald McMahon walked into a hotel, flashed a gun and demanded cash from the clerk. After getting his money, our bozo walked out of the hotel and right into the bar next door where he ordered himself a drink. Two mistakes here. The first mistake was not fleeing the scene immediately. The second was his appropriately named choice of bar. The place is called The Alibi Bar. This time the alibi didn’t work. He’s under arrest.

The Bozo Criminal Report is aware that the tradition of lighting up cigars to celebrate the birth of a child is on the wane but we don’t think our bozo for today has come up with a replacement tradition. From Uniontown, Pennsylvania, comes the story of bozo Shane Tucker who felt the need to unwind after the birth of his new baby. So, he walked down to the designated smoking area of the hospital and lit up. A joint. A nurse noticed the aroma of marijuana and called the cops. The police weren’t sympathetic. He’s busted!

Bozo criminal for today comes from Springfield, Massachusetts, where bozo Edward Blaine robbed a Chinese food delivery guy, getting away with a small amount of cash and his food order. Must have been some good food, too, as our bozo turned up at the restaurant a short time later for seconds. Unfortunately for him, the driver had returned to the restaurant and recognized him. Employees held our bozo until the cops arrived and placed him under arrest.

Bozo criminal for today proves that, once again, MySpace is about a day behind Facebook. You may remember yesterday’s bozo was foiled by his Facebook account. And today, from Sugarloaf Key, Florida, comes the story of bozo Robert Ronson, who broke into a residence. While inside, he enjoyed some food, smoked a joint, and logged on to the homeowner’s computer. Unfortunately, he forgot to turn off the computer when he left. Even more unfortunately, he left his MySpace account logged on. He was arrested by the cops less than two blocks from the residence.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Randy Shereda for sending in today’s report from Helena, Montana. Bozo Robert Crain had been on the run from the cops for 12 years, so you’d thing had had become pretty good at keeping a low profile. He had…until this whole Facebook thing caught on. And that’s what got him into trouble. He set up a Facebook page in his own name and posted a complaint about the cold weather. When someone asked him where he was, he gave his actual location. California authorities heard about the posting, sent pictures of our bozo to the local police department and he was quickly arrested.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Lancaster, Pennsylvania, where 22 year-old bozo Kyle Ellis perhaps should have had a better getaway planned. Our bozo stole a lovely pair of size 10 women’s high heels from a department store. And they looked so good that he decided to wear them out. Even in today’s world, a man in high heels tends to attract attention. He was stopped outside the store and placed under arrest.

Bozo criminal for today fell victim to being in the wrong place at the wrong time. And did we mention he was also dead drunk? From Sharonville, Ohio, comes the story of bozo John Jamieson who was visiting friends when he drove to the store to pick up some cigarettes. Unfortunately, he had also picked up a few beers along the way and got lost on his way back. He decided to stop and rest and pulled into a driveway and went to sleep. One problem, the driveway he pulled into belonged to a deputy sheriff. He’s busted!

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Les Cayes, Haiti, where the president of the country, Rene Preval, was visiting to view the progress being made after the city bore the brunt of a recent hurricane. The president was meeting with local officials when our bozo, Yvon Chery, showed up. This would not ordinarily be a problem as Mr. Chery is the town’s mayor. Unfortunately, he is also a fugitive after being accused of shooting someone earlier this year. The president was aware of this fact and after he spotted our bozo, asked his chief of security, "Isn’t there an arrest warrant out on him?" He was immediately taken into custody.

Bozo criminals for today come from York, Pennsylvania, where bozos Shawn Crain and Zach Carter broke into their neighbor’s house and stole a laptop computer, a safe, a pistol, some cash and a bag of marijuana. They would have probably gotten away with the heist if they hadn’t taken the pot. The next morning when bozo Zach woke up he realized that bozo Shawn had smoked most all of the marijuana. A very raucous fight ensued and police were called to their apartment, where the stolen items were discovered and our bozos were placed under arrest.

Bozo criminal for today violated Bozo Rule Number 33498: Always choose a proper weapon. From DeLand, Florida, comes the story of an unidentified 16-year-old bozo who walked into a convenience store, threatened the clerk with a bottle of ranch dressing and demanded cash. Undaunted, the clerk threatened back with her weapon of choice, a gun. For those of you keeping score, a gun always trumps a bottle of ranch dressing. Our bozo was arrested as he was running from the store.

Bozo criminal for today from Missoula, Montana made a number of mistakes in his attempt to rob a bank. First, after getting his cash, he stopped at a nearby restaurant to have breakfast. Mistake number one. Then, when he was finished, he called a cab to take him back to his hotel. And on the way, he stopped to pick up some cigarettes at a convenience store. Mistake numbers two and three. And, that hotel, the Doubletree, just happened to be the hotel where the local police department was holding a training session. Mistake number four. Busted!

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk John Hall for sending in today’s report form Spokane, Washington. Bozo Donnell Washington had what he thought was the perfect plan for robbing a bank. He was wrong. Our bozo called the bank and told them that he would blow up a school if he didn’t receive $10,000 in cash. He then gave them detailed information on how the cash should be delivered. He said someone should drive to his house, drop off the cash, honk two times and he’d come outside and pick up the money. And that’s exactly what the cops did. Our bozo was arrested when he stepped outside his house.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Waterbury, Connecticut, where bozo Geraldo Fuentes burglarized three condos and fled with his loot in a pillowcase. A few hours later, he called the cops to report that his car had been stolen. Police found the car a short time later in the condo parking lot…with the stolen items still inside. Oops. He’s under arrest.

Bozo criminals for today from Las Vegas, Nevada prove that sometimes merely being in the wrong place at the wrong time can get you arrested. Officer Wayne Lucas works with his partner, K-9 Officer Boris. And like most K-9 officers, Boris gets to go home with his partner when they are off duty. One evening recently Boris shot across the back yard like a streak and began barking at the fence. The officer went outside and observed a couple of kids breaking into his neighbor’s house. Oops. Chalk up another arrest thanks to Officer Boris.

Bozo criminal for today violated Bozo Rule Number 67123: You can’t believe everything you see on TV. From Skokie, Illinois, comes the story of bozo Carlo Sanders who was working at a department store as an overnight switchboard operator. He attempted to steal $30,000 worth of merchandise by stashing it in a tote bag and then placing the bag in the mailroom. He then attempted to take the bag home with him the next day. Unfortunately the whole thing was caught on security cameras. After he was arrested he told the cops that these things always worked on the TV show "The Sopranos." Maybe he can get some advice from one of Tony’s guys in jail.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Barbara Goldstein for sending in today’s report from El Paso, Texas. Noemi Darr and Luis Ortega made plans to rob a jewelry store. Well, "made plans" may have been too strong a term. Bozo Noemi was wheeled up to the front door of the store in her wheelchair by bozo Luis. She then got out of her chair, covered her head and upper body with a large trash bag and entered the store. Her accomplice remained outside, driving the getaway chair. Once inside, she pulled a kitchen knife on the clerk and demanded "everything." The store owner was having none of it and pointed a stun gun on our bozo. At this point bozo Noemi thought better of her plan and tried to run out of the store, but the garbage bag limited her ability to run. She was quickly tackled and held down until the cops arrived. Bozo Luis was apparently unaware of what was going on. He was still waiting outside with the wheelchair when the cops arrived. They’re under arrest.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Redwood City, California, where an unidentified 19-year-old walked up to a police car and asked for a ride. The officer asked our bozo if he was carrying anything illegal. Our bozo replied, "Yes," before backtracking and changing his answer to "No." The officer decided it might be a good idea to check him out and he found a baggie of cocaine in his pocket. Busted! Next time he should consider calling a cab.

Bozo criminal for today from Lockland, Ohio, violated Bozo Rule Number 113767: Never ask an unnecessary question. Officers on patrol were flagged down by 44-year-old bozo Selma Ellis. She walked up to the vehicle, gave her name, and asked the officer if there were any warrants out for her arrest. The answer was yes. Oops. She’s busted.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Port St. Lucie, Florida, where bozo Kathryn Hill was arrested after selling a bag of oxycodone pills to an undercover officer. The officer also seized $1300 in cash that he suspected had been used for illegal drug activity. When asked where she got the money, our bozo offered up the Bozo Excuse of the Week. She told the officer "the tooth fairy gave it" to her. She’s busted.

Bozo criminals for today come from Miami, Florida, where this bunch thought they had it all planned out. They carefully staked out the bank branch they wanted to rob. Then, they scheduled their robbery for Sunday morning when there would be no one around. Two of them entered the bank through the ceiling while another bozo remained outside, on lookout. Well, sort of on lookout. At least until he fell asleep. Police responding to an alarm found him snoring in the getaway vehicle. They also found his accomplices inside the bank. They’re all under arrest.