Author: dave

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Montreal, Canada, where our bozo thought he had planned the perfect crime. "Thought" is the key word here. He rented a backhoe and used it to smash into a strip mall, with the intention of carrying out the ATM machine. Phase one of the plan went OK, with the backhoe breaking through the exterior windows. Then, things started to go sour. Once inside, the backhoe was simply too large and got stuck, damaging the ceiling and setting off the sprinkler system, causing our bozo to get soaked. Quickly seeing the error of his ways, our bozo fled the scene in a blue pickup truck which was parked outside. Everything was caught on the mall’s security cameras. Police expect to make an arrest shortly.

Our bozo for today is another case of cutting out the middle man…the cop…as our bozo pulled herself over. From Sandusky, Ohio comes the story of an unidentified bozo who had had a little too much to drink. She was driving home when she saw flashing lights in her rear view mirror. Being a law abiding citizen, she pulled over, and waited for the cop to approach. And waited. We don’t know if she ever decided to quit waiting and leave because she was unable to do so. When she pulled over she got her car stuck in a snowbank on the side of the road. A passing motorist called the cops who came by and arrested our bozo for DUI. And those flashing lights that she thought were a police officer? They were the flashing lights from the sign of a nearby skating rink.

Bozo criminals for today come from the International File in Nanaimo, British Columbia, where our bozos went to a whole lot of trouble for nothing. They spotted a very large, old safe at the Lonewolf Cabinet Company. Thinking any safe this big must contain something valuable, they broke in and somehow managed to haul the heavy safe out the back loading dock. If they ever manage to get it open, they’re in for a big surprise. The company owner, who says he had to use a crane to put the safe in the building in the first place, told the cops that the combination lock didn’t work and he had only kept it as a decoration for the office. Perhaps the cops should first check hernia patients at the local hospital.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today’s report. From Coralville, Iowa, comes the story of bozo Whitney Green who returned a number of items to her local Kohl’s store. While the clerks were going through the stuff and checking for receipts, they found something that she definitely didn’t buy at Kohl’s. A baggie of marijuana. Oops. She’s busted!

Bozo criminal for today comes from Sacramento, California, where bozo James Boyd was driving a car he had allegedly stolen when he crashed the vehicle into two other cars. He was only slightly injured in the accident and fled the scene before the police arrived. But he did leave behind one very important piece of evidence. His false teeth, which where knocked out in the accident. The cops were able to use the teeth to identify and track down our bozo who is now under arrest.

Bozo criminal for today found out the hard way that sometimes a little too much information is a bad thing. From Farmington, Connecticut comes the story of aspiring pot farmer Robert Maines who called the local 911 operator with a question. He asked if he could get into trouble for growing one marijuana plant. The operator informed him that even one plant was illegal and our bozo hung up. Unfortunately, the operator also reported his call to the cops who went by our bozo’s residence and not only found the plant, but also seeds, equipment for growing more plants and other drug paraphernalia. He’s busted!

Bozo criminal for today comes from Fort Myers, Florida, where bozo Rebecca Armstrong was riding in the car with her boyfriend when the cops pulled them over. He was driving without a license, so he decided to create a diversion. As the officer was walking up, his girlfriend dialed 911 and reported a child being abducted, quickly hanging up before giving any details. The dispatcher was quickly able to determine that the call came from the same location where an officer had a car stopped. A quick check of the cell phone number found it matched the 911 caller’s number. Oops. She’s under arrest for misuse of 911. Her boyfriend is under arrest for driving without a license.

We’ve had numerous reports of bozos leaving their cell phones behind at the scene of a crime, but this one takes it one step further. From Silver Spring, Maryland, comes the story of bozo Cody Warren who broke into a home and was rummaging around when he was surprised by the homeowner. Our bozo jumped out the window and fled. And that’s where the story changes a bit. Police found the cell phone he left behind. Plugged into an electric socket, charging. He’s under arrest.

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Frankston, Australia, where an unidentified bozo broke into a building by climbing down through a skylight. Once inside he found himself trapped when he could not open the storeroom door or climb back to reach the skylight. He then moved some shelving and attempted to climb them to reach the skylight, falling off several times before finally reaching it. Fortunately for him he was able to pull himself out. Unfortunately for him, the whole thing was caught on security cameras and clear pictures of his face were shown on local television. After some thought, he decided to do the right thing and turn himself in.

It’s been a while since we had a story of a bozo who apprehended herself, but that’s just what happened today. From Moses Lake, Washington, comes the story of bozo Shirley Anderson who was pulled over by the cops. After the officer informed her that she was wanted on a forgery charge, she drove away. She hadn’t gone very far when she decided the best thing to do would be to flee the vehicle. Unfortunately, the car was still moving when she decided to jump out. She was then run over by her own car. Her arrest is pending while she’s being treated in the local hospital.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Honolulu, Hawaii, where police were called to an apartment building on a report of a drunk and disorderly man. When the officers pulled up, our bozo spotted them and took what he thought would be the quickest exit from the seventh floor apartment. He jumped into the garbage chute. A bad idea, for a number of reasons. First, the friction of the chute caused his baggy shorts to come off. And second, a large amount of backed up garbage on the third floor thwarted his escape. Police pulled our now naked and rather smelly bozo out of the chute and hauled him to jail.

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Ahaus, Germany, where our unidentified bozo thought he had hit the mother lode. He broke into a career advice center near his apartment and started taking stuff back to his flat. He made several trips moving electronics, computer equipment, food and sweets before he was completely exhausted. Too exhausted to make the walk back to his apartment. So he lay down to rest for just a minute…And that’s where the cops found him the next morning. He’s busted!

Bozo criminal for today comes from Joliet, Illinois, where the police were called to a residence on a report of a break-in. By the time they arrived, the suspect was gone. The cops decided to do a routine check of the 19-year-old who had called in the report and, surprise, he was wanted for failing to appear in court. As he was being booked, something fell out of his sock. A marijuana pipe and a bag of pot. Oops. He’s busted!

Bozo criminal for today comes from Randolph, Massachusetts, where bozo Johnnie Barker approached a man in a grocery store and offered to sell him a bracelet and a chain marked as 14 karat gold for $100. He made several mistakes. Approaching strangers in a grocery store and offering to sell them fake gold jewelry is not the best idea. Strike one. The man he approached owns a jewelry store so it was easy for him to spot the phony merchandise. Strike two. The man he approached also happens to be the city’s police chief. Strike three. He’s under arrest.

Bozo criminals for today violated Bozo Rule Number 77590: Business cards are not advised in the drug biz. From New York, New York, comes the story of Thomas Zane and Miguel Gonzales who were dealing drugs to students on the campus of New York University. Business was good. So good, in fact, that our bozos had business cards printed up explaining their services and distributed them around the campus. Bad idea. Police used one of the cards to contact our bozos and make a buy. They’re busted!

Bozo criminals for today come from Kansas City, Missouri, where the recent heavy snowfall led to an opportunity, and ultimately, the downfall, of our crooks. Three unidentified bozos were preying on motorists trapped in the snow in their vehicles. They would drive up in their SUV and offer to help stranded motorists dig their cars out of the snow, only to pull weapons and rob their victims. They were captured when the police spotted our bozos, and their SUV, stuck in the snow.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Los Angeles, California, where bozo Clyde Pointer was trying to run a scam on Wal-Mart. He took a computer off the shelf and then used an old receipt to claim a refund. He managed to get out of the store with his cash before anyone realized what was going on. It was what happened afterward that caused all the trouble. When he got to the parking lot, he couldn’t find his car anywhere. After spending several minutes searching for it, he finally realized it had been repossessed while he was in the store. So, he called a cab and went home, right? Wrong. He went back inside the store to complain that his car was missing. By this time they had figured out his scam and he was arrested.

Our bozo story for today comes from Denver, Colorado, where there are at least a couple of bozos at work. It seems a man and wife bozo team were hauling a load of marijuana from Utah to North Carolina when they were carjacked. The thieves got away with the pot, leaving our bozos standing on the side of Interstate 80. It was then that our bozos did the obvious thing…they called the cops to report that their marijuana had been stolen. The police were soon in hot pursuit of our bozo dope thieves, who began tossing bags of marijuana out of the window of the vehicle. Apparently the driver was paying more attention to his tossing than his driving as he crashed the car into a snow bank. Both sets of bozos are now under arrest.

Bozo criminal for today from Kansas City, Missouri, obviously forgot Bozo Rule Number 22389: Pack a lunch. Our unidentified bozo was spotted by the cops driving a car that had been reported stolen. When they pursued him, our bozo took off and led them on a 50-minute chase that went through several neighborhoods and down Interstate 70. Don’t know if he got hungry or just needed a pit stop, but after nearly an hour our bozo pulled into a McDonalds and walked inside. He was arrested before his order was ready.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Fred McKinney for sending in today’s report. From South Charleston, West Virginia comes the story of bozo Jerry Martin who was pulled over by the cops after they spotted him driving a car that had been reported as stolen. It was when they asked him where he got the vehicle that he gave them the Bozo Excuse of the Week. He told the police that he had purchased the car with two grams of methamphetamines which he gave to the vehicle’s owner. After informing him that meth is not legal tender and also after discovering that he was in possession of drugs and was not in possession of a drivers license, he was placed under arrest.