Author: dave

Bozo criminal for today comes from Bonner County, Idaho, where bozo John Cooke has been charged with assaulting his dancing buddy. While we don’t have confirmation of this, we can only assume alcohol was involved when our bozo pointed a rifle at his friend and demanded he perform Michael Jackson’s “Moonwalk” dance. His friend didn’t see the humor in the request and called the cops. He’s been charged with felony assault. No word if he referred to him as a “varmint” when making the request.

Our bozo for today from Brockton, Massachusetts did something that all of us have probably at least thought about. An unidentified bozo drove up to a gas station and gave the attendant $25 for gas. After discovering that, at $4.13 a gallon, he had received only 6 gallons of gas, our bozo became very upset. So upset, in fact, that he called 911 to complain. Bad idea. The cops showed up and explained to him that $4.13 was indeed the correct price for the gas, and while the price might be excessive, it wasn’t worthy of calling 911. Perhaps sympathizing with him a bit, the officers let him off with just a stern warning. Maybe it’s the gas companies that should be receiving a warning.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today’s report from the International File in Constanta, Romania. A police officer couldn’t believe his eyes when he saw a woman riding on a motorcycle totally nude. And we do mean totally. She wasn’t wearing a stitch. So, the officer did the obvious thing. He pulled her over and wrote her a ticket…for failure to wear a helmet. She donned a helmet and the officer sent her on her way, still wearing only what God gave her.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Chicago, Illinois, where police were on the trail of a stolen vehicle. The cops spotted the Pontiac minivan after it ran a stop sign and gave chase. It was during the chase that our bozo came up with his plan for escape. He abandoned the vehicle in a vacant lot and ran to his home nearby. He then jumped through the open front window and ran to his bedroom where he pretended to be asleep. All of this might have been OK except for the fact that he did it all in full view of the cops. He’s under arrest.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Bay City, Michigan, where cops were investigating a robbery at a local convenience store. While they were there, a cell phone began ringing, and an alert officer picked it up off the floor. Noticing the caller ID that said “Baby’s Momma”, the officer played a hunch and answered it. Sure enough, it was our bozo’s baby’s momma, who gave his real name to the cops. Oops. After a little more research, it was discovered that he was also wanted for a 2011 home burglary. He’s under arrest.

Our bozo for today proves once again that Bozos and Modern Technology are a dangerous combination. From Jenkins, Kentucky, comes the story of bozo Michael Brown who had his girlfriend snap a picture of him and post it on his Facebook page. Nothing unusual there. It was what our bozo was doing in the picture that landed him in the Bozo Hall of Fame. He was siphoning gas from a police car while saluting the camera with his middle finger. He’s under arrest. And the cops in Jenkins plan to install locking gas caps.

Bozo criminal for today violated Bozo Rule Number 87454: If you’re going to steal something, at least make sure it’s worth stealing. From Seattle, Washington, comes the story of bozo Scott Sanders who broke into a school. Once inside, our bozo quickly found what he was looking for and left. The cops were summoned by a silent alarm and couldn’t help but notice our bozo walking down the street with his loot…an old manual typewriter. Something he could probably have picked up at any garage sale for a buck. Despite its lack of value, our bozo was charged with burglary.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Hesperia, California, where bozo Ricardo Gomez thought he had come up with a great plan to defraud his insurance company. He would hide his car behind a relative’s home and then report the car as stolen, thereby collecting the insurance settlement for the vehicle. Which might have worked, except for the fact that our bozo’s car was equipped with a LoJack system which notified the authorities of the vehicle’s exact location. Oops. He’s busted!

Bozo criminal for today comes rom St. Lucie, Florida, where bozo Melissa Mayes heard the call of nature and pulled her car over to the side of the road. She was pooping beside the car when a police officer drove by. Oops. And when he decided to run a quick check on the license plate, he found the vehicle was stolen. Double oops. She’s been charged with indecent exposure, driving without a license, and felony car theft. And did we mention that there was a rest stop only six miles down the road?

Bozo criminal for today comes from Manatee, Florida, where bozo Roger Cain had only been out of jail for about a month when he walked into a convenience store and began shoplifting items. As he was stuffing the items into his pockets, he noticed a clerk watching him. He spun around and said “Why are you watching me?” It was the next thing he did that landed him in the Bozo Hall of Fame. He reached into his pocket and pulled out…his hand, and made a pointing gun motion with it in the direction of the clerk. Unfortunately for him a deputy walked into the store at just about the same time. He’s been charged with attempted robbery.

Bozo criminals for today come from San Antonio, Texas. Our bozos thought they were completely prepared for their convenience store heist. Masks to cover their faces, check. Weapons drawn, check. Rehearse their speech demanding cash, check. Make sure you’re familiar with how to operate a weapon, um…no. As one of our bozos gestured with his gun, it accidentally went off, frightening both our bozos who immediately turned tail and ran. There were no injuries and the police hope to make an arrest soon.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Springfield, Massachusetts, where police Officer Matthew Lane walked into a convenience store and purchased a bag of chips and a pack of chewing gum. When the officer placed the gum on the counter, he turned to talk to his partner and that’s when bozo Denie Allen sprang into action. Our bozo grabbed the pack of gum and attempted to walk out the door with it. Not surprisingly, he didn’t make it. And it was even less of a surprise that he was found to be in possession of illegal drugs. He’s busted!

Bozo criminal for today comes from Xenia, Ohio, where bozo Hanson Parker walked into a convenience store and asked the clerk for a 59-cent Black and Mild Cigar. The clerk responded that to purchase the cigar, he would have to show an ID to prove he was of age. Our bozo complied, and, after getting his smoke, pulled out a handgun and demanded money from the register. He got away with $72, but didn’t get very far, thanks to the information on his ID, which the clerk gave to the cops.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today’s report. From Macedon, New York, comes the story of bozo Jeff Lamar who decided to steal a 26-foot box truck. But, once he got it, he wasn’t sure exactly what to do with it. So, he drove it to a nearby sand pit and then stole a large piece of construction equipment, which he used in an attempt to bury the truck in the sand. Police received a tip that something strange might be going on at the sand pit and a police helicopter flew over and videotaped the whole thing. He’s busted!

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Stockholm, Sweden, where our unidentified bozo was fed up with speeders on the street near his home. So, he did something that obviously seemed to be a good idea at the time. He used his Twitter account to ask the police to set up a speed trap to catch the speeders. And it worked, maybe too well. The very next day the cops were set up and who should they catch speeding but our very own tweeting bozo. He was given a ticket for $358.

Bozo criminals for today come from the International File in Abbotsford, British Columbia, where cops were called to a disturbance at a car wash. What the cops found when they arrived was certainly not what they were expecting. They found three soaking wet and naked bozos standing at the exit of the facility. Apparently they had gotten drunk and decided it would be fun to ride a shopping cart through the wash’s “super typhoon” cycle. The police decided the whole experience was punishment enough. They were released with only a stern warning not to try it again.

Bozo criminals for today come from Vero Beach, Florida, where a man and woman bozo team entered a residence at 2:30 am. It wasn’t exactly a stealthy break in; in fact they made enough racket that they awakened a neighbor who called the cops. When the police arrived, they found our bozos relaxing on the front porch. When the officer asked for identification, the woman instead removed her top, revealing a poem tattooed on her bare breasts. After informing her that what she was showing wasn’t her ID, the officer placed them both under arrest for disorderly conduct.

Bozo criminal for today from Okaloosa Island, Florida learned the hard way that “Finders Keepers” does not necessarily apply to Bozos. It seems bozo Carlos Ortega found a pair of keys on the floor of a nightclub. Instead of turning them in to the manager, our bozo walked out into the parking lot and used the car’s wireless entry key fob to locate the vehicle. He then climbed in and drove to a nearby strip club to celebrate his good luck. Bad idea. The owner of the car, after discovering her keys had gone missing, called the cops. They quickly staked out the car in the strip club parking lot and, when our bozo walked out, he was busted! And did we mention that in addition to being charged with grand theft auto, our bozo was also found to be in possession of marijuana.

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Varmland, Sweden, where an unidentified bozo didn’t exactly break into a home. In fact, he never actually entered it. He just stole the home’s front door, taking it off its hinges and loading it on top of his car. And that’s when his troubles began. The homeowner was returning home from work and he noticed what looked an awful lot like his front door on the roof of our bozo’s car. His suspicions were confirmed when he arrived home and saw a gaping hole where his front door used to be. The cops were called and our bozo door thief was quickly tracked down. Not only did he have to return the door, the judge ordered him to re-install it.

Bozo criminal for today violated Bozo Rule Number 66354: Don’t text, eat and drive. Our bozo for today from Kennewick, Washington, stole a pickup from the yard of a residence. Now, as you might understand, a bozo can work up quite a hunger stealing a car, so as soon as he hit the road, our bozo pulled out a croissant sandwich and enjoyed a tasty meal. And what fun is stealing a car if you can’t text someone to brag about it? That is just what he was doing, eating and texting, when he ran his new vehicle into a ditch. Oops. He’s under arrest.