It Was the Wife Reminding Him To Pick Up a Loaf of Bread On the Way Home

  • 2 mins read

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Gregory Lay for sending in today’s report from Lakeland, Florida, which once again points out that Bozos and modern technology just don’t mix. Cops were called to a report of a disturbance at the Big Fish Bait and Tackle shop. Police determined that the cause of the disturbance was our bozo, who worked there, and was wanted on various charges including trafficking in stolen goods. At this time, however, our bozo was nowhere to be found. He was reported to have been seen entering the building but no one had seen him leave. A search turned up nothing. Where could he be? Fire rescue was called in and their FLIR camera, which can detect heat sources through walls, still turned up nothing. Officers were scratching their heads when the sound of a cell phone ringing began to echo through the ceiling. Moving the ceiling tiles out of the way, they spotted a hand sticking out of the insulation. Yep, he failed to put his phone on silent before going into hiding. Busted! Charged with Resisting an officer, felony criminal mischief (for causing about $1,000 on damage to his employer’s ceiling), multiple counts of violation of probation for burglary, providing false information to a pawnbroker, and trafficking in stolen property.

I