My Rights To Steal Were Violated!

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk J Schenato for sending in today’s report from Largo, Florida, where bozo Jerry Blake walked into a Publix supermarket. After taking a look around, he grabbed a 24 bottle case of Budweiser and headed for the door, bypassing the checkout lane. When confronted by store security, he said, “You got me,” and dropped the beer, causing it to shatter on the floor. He then proceeded to simply walk out of the store. After he left, the more he thought about the incident, the madder he got. Within a few minutes, he was back inside, irate, and demanding to speak to the manager. When he began to chase employees around the store, a Pinellas County Sheriff’s deputy took notice and took him to the ground. Still, he continued to complain and resist, this time spitting on the deputy. Bad idea. Busted! Charged with obstructing or resisting an officer without violence, simple assault (two counts), battery of a law enforcement officer (two counts), resisting an officer with violence, and felony petit theft