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It was just a regular Sunday evening in North Charleston, South Carolina when a report of a bozo came in. The cops responded to a report of someone driving recklessly in a church parking lot. They found evidence of skid marks on the pavement and a number of beer cans scattered around. And behind the wheel, our bozo, wearing a tank top and no pants. Yep we said no pants. In a church parking lot. Busted! Charged with possession of cocaine, pointing and presenting a firearm and malicious injury to real property. No explanation as to what happened to his pants.

Our bozo criminal for today comes from the Halloween File. It seems a Target in Tampa Bay, Florida suffered an incident of vandalism last week in which about 80 pumpkins on display outside the store were destroyed. And the store’s video surveillance system caught our bozo in action as he picked out pumpkins one by one and smashed them to the ground. That would probably have been the end of the story if, for reasons known only to the bozo mind, our bozo decided to return to this very Target to do some shopping. Brought to the loss prevention office and asked if he could identify the person in the footage, he replied, “That’s me.” And in way of explanation, he offered up the Bozo Excuse of the Week. He said he destroyed the gourds because someone on facebook was “messing” with him and made him mad. Well, OK then. Police have charged him with felony criminal mischief and he’s cooling his heels in jail on $5000 bond. His rap sheet includes convictions for burglary, battery, trespass, criminal mischief, and reckless driving. And one other strange note, his arrest sheet lists his profession as “violinist.”

Bozo criminal for today comes from Woodbury, New Jersey, where bozo Tajia Reynolds responded to a booty text from her “side piece” asking her to come over for sex. She got herself fixed up and arrived at his front door, only to find it locked. When he didn’t respond to her text either, our bozo got mad. Really, really mad. She headed to a nearby Conoco station and purchased some lighter fluid which she used to set a fire outside her man’s residence. He escaped with first and second degree burns but her fate was much worse. She’s been charged with aggravated arson and aggravated assault.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Pullman, Washington, where bozo Elijah Russell was smoking meth and, for reasons known only to the bozo mind, decided to start shooting fireworks into the ceiling of his apartment. Not surprisingly, this let to not only his apartment being destroyed, but eight adjoining apartments also being burned and dozens of residents being evacuated. He fled when police arrived, leading them on a high speed chase and finally ended up being boxed in by police cars. The standoff continued until our bozo offered up his ultimatum. He would surrender in exchange for a cheeseburger and Blizzard from Dairy Queen. The cops complied, delivering the goods via a tactical robot. After giving himself up, he was charged with felony arson and eluding. Further details, such as the flavor of the Blizzard, are unavailable.

Our bozo story for today comes from the International File in Pyongyang, North Korea. And we’ll leave it up to you as to whether we’re looking at boobs or bozos here. It seems Kim Jong Un is upset with “rotten capitalistic acts” that have been committed in the name of “bourgeois customs”. Crack strike teams have been deployed around the country to deal with a two-fold problem that is apparently straining to break free, with orders to deflate the situation as quickly as possible. And the problem? Boob Jobs. It seems the Dear Leader is incensed that droves of North Korean women have been getting breast enhancement surgery using illegal silicone imported from China. So far two patients and one surgeon have been taken into custody. Sources say authorities hope to squeeze down the problem before it grows to enormous proportions.

Our bozo criminal for today from Springfield, Missouri, was foiled by modern technology. It seems college student bozo Ryan Slater went on a rampage, vandalizing 17 cars in a Missouri State parking lot, shattering windows, breaking off mirrors and denting hoods. Mr. College Boy didn’t take a couple of things into account. Number one, there were security cameras in the parking lot. Number two, the conversation he had with ChatGPT where he confessed to the crime and discussed the possibility of getting caught remained on his phone. And number three, yes, the cops are going to look at that ChatGPT transcript after you gave them permission to search your phone. Busted! Charged with vandalism and destruction of property.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Torrance, California, where bozo Mary Ann Mason had a $56,000 a year job with the postal service delivering mail. In her spare time, she used her instagram page to chronicle lavish vacations to Aruba, Tulum, Puerto Rico, Hawaii, Los Cabos and Turks and Caicos. Additionally she posted pictures of shopping sprees to Balenciaga, Dior, Hermes and Louis Vuitton as well as of her tricked out Tesla Cybertruck and a diamond encrusted Rolex watch. And pictures of herself with huge stacks of cash. Well, maybe she’s just really good at managing her budget. Probably not. After reports of more than 100 credit cards being stolen on her route, the post office sprang into action, hiding a camera in her delivery vehicle. Busted! Caught on camera going through mail containing checks and plastic. A search of her home turned up 133 credit and debit cards, 16 U.S. Treasury checks, and 18 stolen gift cards. She won’t be taking any trips for a while, facing charges that could lock her up for 30 years.

Bozo criminal for today comes from St. Petersburg, Florida, where bozo Marsha Mitchell was having a beef with her neighbor, who kept parking his car too close to her yard. So, she politely tried to settle the dispute with him, right? Wrong. Maybe she called the cops to aid in the parking dispute? Nope. Got dressed in a hot dog costume and covered the offending car in toilet paper at 4 o’clock in the afternoon? Yep! The cops placed her under arrest, charged with disorderly conduct and resisting arrest. Police gave no further details as to why she was dressed like a weenie, only saying that she was “intoxicated and refused to cooperate with the investigation.”

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today’s report from Aurora, Colorado, where the cops spotted a white Chevy Silverado that matched the description of one used in a recent burglary. The cops also noted that some of the stolen items from the burglary were visible in the bed of the truck, so they gave chase. Guess our bozos hoped to make a clean getaway because instead of flooring it, they pulled over into a drive thru car wash. And to make matters worse, the car wash was was already occupied, giving the cops a chance to box them in from both sides. Busted! Charged with theft and fleeing from the police.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Key West, Florida, where tourists were enjoying a ride on the Conch Tour Train when our disheveled looking bozo approached the driver. He must have been a smooth talker, as he convinced the driver that he used to work for the bus company and wanted a tour of the train. The conversation escalated and before you know it, our bozo had taken the keys from the driver took the bus on a spin around Key West, even making a couple of stops to pick up new passengers. Cops were called and were able to use the GPS on board the bus to track it down. Did we mention that our bozo left his truck running in the parking lot of the depot blasting loud rock music? And that he told the cops he was just celebrating his birthday and had only “borrowed” the train. Sorry, you’re busted! Charged with grand theft, burglary and possession of drug paraphernalia.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Lakeway, Texas, where the local police had set up an undercover stakeout, hoping to catch a car thief known to be operating in the area. The bait was set, a nice unmarked car parked close to where our bozo had nabbed a car before. Like flies to, well, you know, our bozo was quickly drawn to the car. Guess he didn’t notice it was occupied by a cop before he tried to jack it. He tried to flee on foot but was quickly apprehended. Further investigation determined he was already in possession of one stolen car when he tried to steal this one. Busted! Charged with attempted theft of a motor vehicle and possession of a stolen vehicle.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Don Reese for bringing us today’s report which features another bozo foiled by modern technology. It seems our homeowner in the Florida city of Lutz was sleeping peacefully the other night when he was awakened by a clatter in his backyard. Going out to investigate, he discovered a drone had crashed near his pack porch. He picked up the unmanned aircraft and took it inside whereupon he discovered a brown bag attached to the thing. Inside the bag were what appeared to be drugs, which prompted a quick call to the cops. While waiting for the cops to arrive, the homeowner’s security cam captured a man with a flashlight knocking on the front door. Yep, this is our bozo. He was still in the front yard when the cops pulled up and he tried to play it cool. He told the police he was “out flying his drone” and he thought it had crashed in the backyard of the residence. Bad idea, pal. You just claimed ownership of a drone that was delivering what turned out to be baggies of methamphetamine and fentanyl. Busted! Charged with possession of a controlled substance with intent to sell or deliver, driving with license cancelled or revoked, operating unregistered vehicle, and out of county warrant, failure to appear. He’s being held in jail without bond.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Livingston, Louisiana, where bozo Lisa Caldwell was released from lockup and found herself in the jail parking lot with no means of transportation. So, she did what any bozo would do, she attempted to steal an unmarked patrol car. Failing at this attempt, but undeterred, she then climbed into a public works truck and drove off. After a while, she ditched the truck and hitched a ride with someone along State Highway 63. Clean getaway, right? Wrong. She left her discharge papers inside the stolen truck. Oops. Cops caught up with her a short time later after responding to a suspicious person call outside a grocery store. Busted! Charged with theft of a vehicle and attempted theft of a vehicle.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Bristol, Connecticut, where police received a strange call concerning a disturbance at Rockwell Park. It seems the doors to the restrooms in the park’s pavilion automatically lock at 10pm, which usually doesn’t cause any problem since the doors can be opened from the inside should someone get locked in. However, the someone who got locked in this time was a park visitor’s dog. We’re not sure what he was doing in the restroom but we do know his owner was very upset. Upset enough that the climbed up on the roof and tried to slither down the chimney to rescue him. You probably know where this is going…He didn’t make it very far before he found himself stuck. Stuck tight enough that the fire department rescue team had to dismantle parts of the chimney and building to get him out. Our bozo dog rescuer, who was not injured, was arrested and charged with burglary, trespassing and criminal mischief. One bright spot. The dog is fine.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Don Reese for sending in today’s report from Tallahassee, Florida. Police were working a case of credit card theft where the victim said fraudulent charges started showing up on her card after a trip to Chuck E. Cheese in June. Using video evidence, cops were able to identify the potential thief and headed to the restaurant to confront him. And that’s when things got really interesting. The officer asked someone working the front door at Chuck’s if they could point our bozo out to him. “Right over there,” she said, pointing at Chuck E. Cheese himself. Yep, that was our bozo, wearing the mouse outfit. He was placed under arrest, handcuffed and marched to the patrol car while still wearing his full costume. He’s being served cheese and crackers in jail.

Bozo criminal for today comes from the Internal Affairs division and we’ll leave it up to you to decide who the ultimate Bozo is in this case. It seems our bozo was arrested in New York after stripping off all his clothes and allegedly stealing a boat, which he then took for a joyride down the Hudson River. He was quickly apprehended by the cops and was taken to New York Presbyterian Hospital for a psychiatric evaluation. Here’s where it gets interesting. He somehow slipped out of his handcuffs and slipped into a doctor’s coat and pants. He then walked barefoot past the sleeping guard at his door and out the front door of the hospital. Sleeping beauty has been suspended and the search is on for our suspect.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today’s report from Richmond Heights, Ohio. It seems two women, for reasons known only to the bozo mind, decided it would be fun to climb aboard an unoccupied police car and do a little twerking. Harmless fun, right? And no one’s around, so who’s going to know? Well the answer is no to the first question and everyone to the second. What our bozos forgot is that most police cars come equipped with dashboard cameras that record motion around the car. The cops were able to send to very clear facial shots from the video to a place that utilizes a facial recognition software called Clearview AI. The software accesses social media accounts and other databases to confirm identities. Busted! Arrest warrants issued for damaging police property.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Don Reese for sending in today’s report from Palm Coast, Florida where our bozo devised a not so well thought out plan for robbing the local Lowes home improvement center. He made his way through the store, collecting about $1500 worth of merchandise which he hoped to get away with without paying. Lowe’s employees noticed him acting strangely and called the cops. This led to our bozo heading out the front door and ditching the items. To his waiting getaway car, right? Wrong. He had no getaway car. So, what to do? Well, there was a UPS truck pulling out of the parking lot. Our bozo hopped on board and proceeded to sit down for the ride on the back bumper of the truck. It goes without saying that a guy reclining on the back bumper of a UPS truck is going to attract some attention. Another motorist notified the driver who ordered our bozo off the bumper. The cops were called and confirmed that our wayward passenger was indeed our shoplifter. Busted! Charged with a shoplifting-grand theft charge.

Bozo criminal for today comes from our Only in Texas file. Our bozo was involved in an accident with a semitruck on the very busy I-45 near downtown Houston. We’re not sure of all the details, but after the accident the 64-year-old woman apparently exited her car with a gun and a folding chair. She then planted her chair right in the middle of the southbound lanes of the busy freeway, refusing to budge even as traffic whizzed by her. Police quickly shut down both northbound and southbound lanes of the freeway while negotiations ensued. After five hours she folded up her chair and was taken into custody. She’s been taken to a hospital for further evaluation.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Howard Rost for sending in today’s report from Buffalo, New York. Bozo Ronald Nations had his rental truck loaded with 78 pounds of marijuana and was using his phone’s maps for guidance when he was instructed to turn left onto the Peace Bridge. As you may be aware, the Peace Bridge is a major US/Canada border crossing. Seeing the error of his ways, our bozo attempted to turn around and return to the US. Bad idea. His actions attracted the attention of the border guards who did a quick inspection and found the $230,000 worth of pot. Busted!